Real Housewives Of Atlanta’s NeNe’s Distractions


Of course reality tv star Nene Leakes has made some statements concerning her alleged plastic surgery! She has to do something to divert everyone from the fact that she’s on the verge of divorce from her Sugar Granddaddy Greg. Yet isn’t the point of plastic surgery to make it look better? This looks like she went from a Shrek schnozz to a bowling pin on her face. And what the hell was she doing getting a nose job when she is clearly missing some teeth?


She’s got so many bottom teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in the penitentiary.

Brett Favre’s Craptastic Life


Ordinarily I could give two of Britney’s implants about football but this Brett Favre Penis Cell Phone Scandal is so awesomely bad even those of us who think tight ends belong on the stripper poles can get in on the fun. Watching him get taken out to the woodshed on a rainy day by the New York Jets just made me think he was at home before the game saying “Honey, if I had ANYTHING to do with those cell phone pics, may God strike me down with lightning!” When oh when will celebrities learn that fame does not come with the perk of invisible wangs?

Haikus For A Coked Out Princess Leia


Princess Leia Snorts
Fat Lines On The Star Wars Set
Is That Really News?

If I Had To Wear
That Outfit I’d Be Doing
Rails All Day And Night


“Get in there and clean your room/do the dishes/take out the garbage/mow the lawn before I beat you like I was Joe Jackson and Michael missed a step!” was such a common phrase in our household vernacular it caught me off guard that Ultimate Stage Dad Papa Joe has lashed out against allegations that he ever laid a hand on the goose that laid the silver sequined egg:

“The media keep hollering about saying that I beat Michael. That’s not true. You know what this beat started — beat started in the slavery days,” Jackson said. “Where they used to beat the slaves and then they used to torture them. That’s where this beating started. These slave masters, and that’s where that come from. … Now, Michael was never beaten by me. I’ve never beaten at all.”

He doesn’t think forcing a 7 year old into a life of fame is slavery? We all know good and well if Michael had tried to sneak out the house Joe would have gotten an axe from the Big House and lopped off one white sock and black penny loafer Kunte Kinte stylo. He needs to learn to make money himself and not off the backs of his children. He can go sit in a tub of bleach and rent himself out as a Marlon Brando impersonator.

Lindsay Lohan’s Weapon Of Choice


OK, I know what you are thinking. How is a squirt gun going to ward off the paparazzi? When it’s filled with her bodily fluids and secretions. Don’t look at me like that, there was a a much worse joke to be made involving lesbians and squirting but I chose to take the less hilarious high road.

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