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2006 September » Hollywood Snark
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Archive for September, 2006

Tom Cruise Left His Stack Heels at Home


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THE Poison dwarf is shown here with his much-taller fiance and "baby Moma" Katie in tow. Why is it that, when Rod Stewart steps out with a statue-esque woman, it just makes him look manlier and confirms his status as a model-snaring Casanova, but when Tom Cruise does it, he sets off gaydars across the land like Tommy Lee sets off alarms when he walks through airport metal detectors? The funny thing is that with the tabloids clamouring for TomKat wedding details like single gals in New York fighting over the one last available bachelor in town, this one tidbit I offer up for free: When they do tie the knot, you can bet your ass that Tom will have a two foot deep trench dug in the garden for Katie to stand in when they pose together for the photos that they’ll then sell share with the world in Vanity Fair. Ah! romance in Hollywood- it’s a beautiful thing.

No-one Makes a Monkey outta Liz Hurley


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ELIZABETH Hurley is a VIP and won’t settle for civilian treatment, writes the New York Post. She threw a hissy fit Thursday night on the ferry that was supposed to take her back to Manhattan from the Liberty Island celebration of Moet Champagne’s 120th anniversary. When guests were informed that they could not take any champagne on board, "everyone else graciously agreed to abide by the rules," said our source. But an enraged Hurley refused to give up her magnum of Moet and three glasses, and held the boat at the dock for 20 minutes until security guards were finally able to get her to relinquish them.

And Liz was right to complain. If you drag yourself to a champagne party with a long, boring and chilly ferry ride home, you’re entitled to a little swag from the party to glug on the boat to pass the time and keep you warm. Plus, a ferry ride? - ew! ‘hardly a fabulous prospect sober during a cold Autumn evening in New York, darling. Moet and Chandon shoulda laid on helicopters to get everyone home from the island -the cheap sons of Paris Hiltons. Read the rest of No-one Makes a Monkey outta Liz Hurley

Lindsay Lohan cheap? In more ways than one.


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Lindsay Lohan needs a good kick in the ass. Really.

First, she lugs around a bag full of diamonds and jewelry. And then she loses it. And she gets depressed. Because it is worth about a million.

So she whines about it and some nice chauffer finds it and gives it back to Lindsay. Intead of, you know, buying drugs or paying off his bills or getting a tattoo of Clay Aiken on his back. He gives it back.

And what does Lindsay do?

Read the rest of Lindsay Lohan cheap? In more ways than one.

Nick Carter will not shut up.


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Is Nick Carter that aware that no one cares about his stupid new reality show?

Because he sure has been running around yapping his mouth. He’s talking about how he didn’t beat up Paris and now he is talking about his virginity.

………….

Sorry. I just threw up a little.

Nick says that he lost his v-card to

Read the rest of Nick Carter will not shut up.

Papa Joe Simpson will beat up Bam Margera


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Joe Simpson has slammed Bam Margera for claiming he had sex with his daughter Jessica, insisting he wants to "beat the crap" out of him. Margera appeared on the raunchy Howard Stern radio show on September 19 and confirmed rumors he slept with Simpson when she was still married to Nick Lachey.

The 27-year-old Jackass Number Two star said on the night of April 11, 2005, then-married Simpson took him back to her parents’ home in Los Angeles’ Encino area. He says, "We were just drinking margaritas and stuff, and you know, from there…" Margera tells Us Weekly he and Simpson were intimate "once" saying, "It was when her parents were away and Nick was away. It’s not a secret."

Jessica Simpson’s father/manager is furious about Margera’s comments saying, "As a father, I want to go beat the crap out of people who say things like this. It really hurts to hear people say things like this about my daughter."

Bam, who is one of the stars of Jackass, who has done way scarier things than go toe to toe with a guy who has based his whole career around pimping out his two daughters is probably quaking with fear right now. Okay, probably he isn’t. Still, Bam should know better- only Papa Joe has the right to say sexually inapropriate things about his daughter.


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