Michael Douglas will never be too old to perve

IN what can only be described as a "crazy outburst" Michael Douglas, 62, revealed he had a "crush on Kim Basinger" and complimented Eva Longoria on her "fantastic butt" during a recent interview to promote his film "The Sentinel." Michael also proclaimed that "sex is like a wave that sweeps over me." However, his 37-year-old Welsh actress wife was not amused by his comments and immediately telephoned him to tell him exactly how she felt. A source revealed to Britain’s Grazia magazine: "Catherine called him every name under the sun. Michael was trying to explain it was just for publicity, and that he thought it was a good idea to rev up his image as a bad-boy." Michael, who was previously treated for sex addiction, then spent hours trying to convince Catherine that he would never be unfaithful to her. The source added: "Michael swore he’d never cheated on her and never would. He also swore no one was as sexy or beautiful as her. They’ve made up, but Catherine is still edgy."

Oh dear. Catherine obviously forgot to give poor senile old Michael his meds. Kim Basinger used to be hot, Eva Longhoria used to have a nice butt and anything Catherine Zeta Jones used to be interesting- hang on, no that’s my memory playing up now… Anyway, Michael, that’s not a "wave of sex" washing over you- it’s a nurse giving you a bedbath.