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2006 November » Hollywood Snark
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Archive for November, 2006

Britney Spears: A Crotch Shot Roundup


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You’d think being the mom of two and and an uber rich star would compel one to maybe invest in few pairs of underwear and some other clothing purchased outside the children’s department, but that’s Britney’s idea of Keeping It Real. Real Skanky, mind you.

Seinfeld DVD Sales Skyrocket


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In a ironic twist of retail fate, Michael Richards’ downward spiral into Hollywood Exile have increased the DVD sales of the newly released seventh season of Seinfeld.  Amazon.com reports whopping %178 rise in sales of the box set and you know out there somewhere, Jesse Jackson is not a very happy camper.

It might make him feel better to know that Richards’ hiring of the King Of Spin,  publicist Howard Rubenstein has backfired. Rubenstein specializes in crisis management for troubled celebs and civilians, but he put his reputation on the line when he reported to this to the media:

"(Rubenstein)he defended Richards’ language about Jews, saying that the comic "is Jewish. He’s not anti-Semitic at all. He was role-playing."

Which would have been kosher, except Richards isn’t Jewish.

As Rubenstein’s assertion circulated, Jewish organizations and commentators pointed out that the man who played Cosmo Kramer on Seinfeld has not converted to Judaism and neither of his parents are Jewish. Technically, not having been born by blood as Jewish and not formally going into a conversion, it was purely his interpretation of having adopted Judaism as his religion," Rubenstein told The Associated Press on Tuesday."

Oy Vey! Perhaps Rubenstein should be scanning the Richards family tree for a black relative, just in case. It couldn’t hurt!

Irony Defined: Pope Skips Vatican Movie Premiere


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Big Ups To God!

You’d think the first person to be hitting the red carpet at the premiere of the new movie THE NATIVITY STORY would be His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, but his clever hat and cool bulletproof car were nowhere to be found. Was it the impending urgency to visit Turkey so great that he skipped out on The Greatest Story Ever Told? That’s like Anna Wintour saying "Mm, I think I’ll just skip Fashion Week, darling."

More likely than not, the Pope’s abscense from said film premiere has to do with the art meets life spermination of the 16 year old star of the movie, Keisha Castle-Hughes as the Virgin Mary. Talk about your poor timing there, nothing says Christian Moral Values as a knocked up unwed teenage girl.

Poor Jesus Christ, he just cant can’t catch a break in Hollywood. Mel Gibson alone is responsible for like 90% of the bad PR JC’s been getting lately, what was that Bible quote again? Something about The Devil taking on enticing forms to lure us into sin? The road to hell is paved with good intentions, yo.

Kimberly Stewart Has New Boots


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I can see where she’s trying to go with this, a sort of "Piss Off, I’m So Street!" kind of thing, even if her dad is Rod "Do Ya Think I’m Sexy" Stewart and not Suge Knight.

Yet part of me can’t help but wonder is she is dumb enough to have interpreted the phrase F**k Me Boots  literally and ended up painting her boots with White-Out while huffing the fumes. I also think she should return those glasses to the Ray Charles Museum from whence they came.

The Many Outfits Of Britney Spears


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I don’t know what’s worse, Slutty Upskirt Crotch Shot Brit:

or One Step Away From The Nursing Home Brit, complete with reading glasses, crocheted hat that used to be the spare toilet paper roll holder and full on Fried Egg On A Nail Saggy Jugs Action:

As  a true Britney Fan, I’m going to call it a draw.


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