Paris Hilton to be blasted into space to sexually harrass unsuspecting alien life forms

 

HEIRHEAD PARIS HILTON has set her heart on becoming the first celebrity to be blasted into outer space, reveals today’s UK Sun newspaper - making my Friday a great one. The pneumatic blonde is considering pulling off the astronomical stunt for her reality TV show, THE SIMPLE LIFE. And Paris is reportedly determined to go through rigorous training to become a fully-fledged astronaut. A source said: "She would love to be followed by cameras going through all the training before ultimately blasting off to become the world’s first celebrity astronaut." However, Paris’ Simple Life co-star NICOLE RICHIE is less keen - the petite star is afraid of flying. The source added: "Nicole is out. There’s no amount of money that would tempt her to do that. She even hates flying on jets." And Nicole is so skinny she’d spontaneously combust as soon as they blast into zero gravity. Well, you can’t have everything. I’ll be happy just to get rid of Paris. The question is now- how can we keep her there? Perhaps someone should make her sign something to promise she won’t be coming back. They could just tell her it’ll be just like, ‘rilly out of this world’ with ‘an amazing atmosphere’ and that she’ll get ‘like, totally higher than anyone has ever been, like, ever’. That’ll work like a charm. Plus she’ll get to sleep her way through a whole new galaxy of life forms, some even, who may have an even wonkier eye than Paris herself.