Fashion Police

Get out the handcuffs and brace yourself for the perp walk down the runway!

For the LOVE of JOHNNY CASH what the hell is Sienna wearing? We’ll skip the fact that tucking jeans into boots and carrying a Balanciaga Le Dix is so 2004 and go straight to the burning question of what the hell is that strapped to her chest? Lederhosen? A Straightjacket? Some sort of Sex Harness made by The Keebler Elves?

I’m going to go on and vote for the SJ because she must be crazier than a nuthouse rat to appear in public in that getup. The woman standing behind her is wearing a quilted BEDJACKET and not even she can OPEN HER EYES at Sienna for fear of being BLINDED by that SCOTCH BONNET HABENERO HOT MESS. I feel like she’s going to turn around and there will be like, this huge saddle attached to her back and then Jude Law comes in and rides her off into the sunset while sending dirty text messages to the buxom nanny he was caught giving "overtime" to.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t talk smack about the Fashion Choices made by A BABY, but I can’t help myself with the case of Suri Cruise. Let’s brush over Katie’s wee little bangs and head straight to why Suri appears to have on just tights and a sweater a la an Olsen Twin.

Something tells me not even Lord Xenu himself would clssify leggings as Fashion. Who is that child’s stylist? Has she been shopping with Lindsay Lohan? I KNEW it was going to be a bad idea to let Posh Spice anywhere NEAR that family. Now look what’s happened. Oh well, at least the rest of the wedding party was looking good. Witness the fitness:

Connor and Isabella look adorable, saving the Cruise Clan from Suri’s utter Fashion Faux Pas. Bella’s light makeup is about as far from Prosti-Tot Land as you can get and Connor is gonna be one Coffee With The Right Touch Of Cream Stud when he turns of age. Call me!