“I grabbed Salma’s ass just to keep things moving, because everyone was a little slow. And of course, the energy changed when I did that," Cruz said about their attendance at the Banditos press conference. "There are magazine covers in Mexico describing us as these lesbians because of that. A lot of people were saying we were lovers.”

It’s all lighthearted fun but we still like to indulge this fantasy. I don’t know much about Banditos, but here’s to hoping for a Brokeback Sierra Madre type movie.

We agree.

“She has done the fame thing is reverse," Lionel says. "Normally you need a hit record or movie to become a personality. She started as a personality and now she understands what I go through. When she decided to take up music I thought, ‘Urgh, she moving into singing’. I keep telling her, ‘why would you want to go singing?’"

After Lionel’s repeated failures at a comeback since peaking in the late 80s, it’s no surprise he’s discouraging Nicole’s music career. Who wants to be upstaged by this no-talent, no-personality personality, even if she’s your daughter?

This girl has enough trouble eating, where is she going to get the energy to tour?

Juanita and Michael Jordan have thrown in the sweaty towel of marriage between a civilian and a sports god:

In a statement issued through their lawyers, Juanita and Michael Jordan announced that they have “mutually and amicably decided to end their 17-year marriage. A judgment for dissolution of their marriage was entered today. There will be no further statements.” Juanita filed for divorce in 2002, citing “irreconcilable differences,” but withdrew her petition just weeks later when the couple announced they were attempting a reconciliation. During the earlier divorce proceedings, Juanita sought custody of their three children, a 25,000-square-foot home in suburban Highland Park and half of the rest of the couple’s property.

Good for her! Not every NBA Baller’s wife has to be a Mrs. Kobe Bryant, looking the other way while your hubby knocks boots with some homely white girls in hotel rooms. They don’t make bling with enough carats to put up with all that crap.

Oh, Clay. That hair is not fooling anyone. You make me want to be “Invisible” everytime I see it. I’m going to go scrub myself with Brillo Pads and Clorox for making that joke, in the meantime, how mean was the Idol Runner Up at a recent concert?

Aiken was rude to audience members and told several people to sit down and cover their mouth. Clay even showed a raunchier side by pretending he had flatulence every time feedback came through the speakers. Talk about making a stink!

Um, isn’t the whole hand over mouth thing the same crap that got Kelly Ripa all fired up in her coffee cup? Now that was a real brew-ha-ha! Right. Like I said, Brillo Time. Laters.

Why pay all that money for plastic surgery just to completely eschew doing something about the double chin? I like how Li-Lo and K-Stew both look they got backhanded in the mouth by a poison ivy plant, but their neck wattles look like the end platter of the Christmas Turkey:

Gobble Gobble!