Natasha Lyonne And The American Pie Curse

Exceedingly troubled starlet Natasha Lyonne has turned herself in after a warrant was put out for her jailhouse lockdown after missing four court dates stemming from "criminal mischief, harassment and trespassing after accusations she threatened to sexually molest her former neighbor’s dog and ripped a mirror off the wall during a 2004 argument."

I like how they tossed that in the middle there, like dog raping is just another thing that those crazy kids do. She’ll never live that down, she’s gonna be walking down the street when she’s 80 and the people will clutch their puppies to their bosom while shrieking and running to lobby congress to pass a bill that would force Lassie F*ckers to go door to door and tell the neighbors you have a lusty desire for interspecies love.

Alyson Hannigan had better watch herself because must be some sort of Tom Cruise Witchcraft spell at work over the American Pie girls.

How Natasha and Tara Reid  went from this:

to this:

can only be some sort of Harry Potter Dark Arts kinda crap.