Anna Nicole Smith Ordered To Take Paternity Test

I suppose in this day and age of deadbeat dads, we should all be praising maybe babydaddy Larry Birkhead for demanding to know the parentage of Anna Nicole’s baby girl Dannielynn. The dude is stoked to know is he’s the father or not:

“Christmas has come early, and I thank God that I will soon have the opportunity to prove that I am the father … and eventually hold her in my arms.”

Whoa, slow your roll there chief. What happens when you aren’t the father? Will Christmas be canceled? I already hung the stockings and tinsel. I’m sure this has nothing to do with all of Anna Nicole’s money she got from giving lapdances to Mr. Burns before he kicked the bucket. Maybe he just really really digs changing diapers. In a mansion. By a pool. Being fanned by naked servant girls while drinking champagne out of a solid gold flute.