Jessica Simpson De-Partoned

Oh Jess. When will you and the rest of your family learn to leave the live stage performances to the pros?

Unhappy with her second try at paying tribute to Dolly Parton for the “Kennedy Center Honors,” Jessica Simpson has pulled out of the show. Simpson drew unwanted attention earlier this month when she flubbed the words to Parton’s “9 to 5″ during a taping of the annual show, grew flustered and fled the stage. Producers gave her a second chance at the song. But after Simpson saw a tape, she requested the second attempt be pulled from the show, which airs Dec. 26 on CBS. “She really wasn’t happy with her performance and she did want it to be perfect for Dolly, who she idolizes,” said Cindi Berger, a spokeswoman for Simpson.

It takes more than just blonde wigs and huge fake boobs to be Dolly Parton, you actually have to have some talent underneath those Ken Paves fake tresses. Let’s all envision a scenario where Joe Simpson punishes his forever flubbing girls by locking Jessica and Ashlee into a closet for 48 hours with one Diet Coke, a can of Chicken of The Sea, a copy of Teen Vogue and several machetes for an all out battle of who sucks less. The loser has to kill herself using a spool of audio tape from a pre recorded lip sync session.