Jessica Simpson Is The New Anna Nicole Smith

Seriously. She’s like one gallon of Chunky Monkey and a dozen Krispy Kremes from turning into what Hollywood considers to be morbid obesity. I think she looks pretty good with some meat on her hips, but you know this is going to end up with her at a “spa” being treated for “exhaustion” in a suite between Nicole Richie and Mary-Kate Olsen. Is this her way of fending off Daddy Joe’s amorous advances? Or does John Mayer like them with some junk in the trunk? It’s a mystery.