TomKat Terror Threat Alert Upped To Red

Oh, Suri.

You are just so precious with those pretty blue eyes and all those lovely white dresses your parents always dress you in that seem so impractical because really, babies are very messy and why would you put them in something that shows off all the drool and applesauce dribbles so blantantly unless it was some weird Scientology baby thing where you can’t wear colors until you reach a certain level or else the thetans might invade your crib. But I would not cross you, S-Cru, not no way anytime because I don’t want any of what you’re dishing out in the picture above. This is why TomKat should not be worried about kidnappers, but I guess it isn’t enough:

Holmes, 28, and Cruise, 44, apparently fear their baby could be a prime target for abduction. "The world was so obsessed with getting its first peek at Suri, I think Tom and Katie might have decided to keep her under wraps to prevent some wacko from trying to abduct her," a source told Star magazine.

Does that look like a baby that you want to kidnap? She looks like she might gouge your eyes out and replace them with hot caramel apples.