Paris’ Party Sucked

Paris Hilton threw herself a big bash for her 26th birthday party in Vegas, but didn’t invite Kim Kardashian because she was afraid the impending release of “Kim Kardashian Superstar” sex tape would take focus away from Hilton and her oddly powdered hook nose and rash covered chest. What happened there? Some sort of Mystic Tan allergy? Herpes meds giving her the itchies?

Anyway, at one point during the listless fun, Paris announced fellow wispy pal Nicole Richie was on her way to the party, but Richie never showed up. How pathetic is that? Like some little kid going around and telling everyone Superman is going to be at his birthday party but when everyone gets there, it’s just him and his drunk uncle wearing tights and a cape.

Then it got even weirder.

But even without many boldfaces, things at the after-party at the Penthouse Suite got a little odd. After downing TY KU liquor and bottles of Dom Perignon, guests reported seeing Hilton play with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the

Goats? Midgets? A monkey? Was it the same monkey thing that bit her face that turned out not to really be a monkey? I would love to shake that monkey’s hand and tell it next time to go for the eyes.