Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger Are Awesome Parents

As if being the child of insane celebrities wasn’t bad enough, little Ireland Baldwin/Basinger got a lovely little voice mail from her papa Alec that was so freaking bad, a judge temporarily suspended his visitation. Some of the more delightful bits are:

“Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone, you have insulted me for the last time.” “I don’t give a damn that you’re 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do. This crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother and you do it to me constantly over and over again. You better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me.”

Guess who leaked the tape to TMZ? Mother of the Year Kim Basinger! Her publicist says the tape speaks for itself.

I don’t give a damn if your child has set the effing house on FIRE using your Rogaine and Grey Goose as lighter fluid, you don’t talk to a child that way or put them in the middle of your personal divorce battles. Alec’s attorney issued this statement to Extra!:

“In the best interest of the child, Alec will do what the mother is pathologically incapable of doing … keeping his mouth shut and obeying the court order. The mother and her lawyer leaked this sealed material in violation of a court order. Although Alec acknowledges that he should have used different language in parenting his child, everyone who knows him privately knows what he has been put through for the past six years.”

It will be a MIRACLE if Ireland grows up to be anything but like, a homeless crack junkie with aspirations for a career in stealing cars.