Candy Spelling It Like It Is

Candy Spelling continues her Dear Abby like words of wisdom to Young Hollywood with a campaign of open letters directed at the troubled offenders of the rich and famous. Ordinarily I’d be rolling my eyes at any attempt to advise their own kind, but Candy’s different. You never saw Tori and Randy pulling a Lohan or a Downey, Jr. For being raised with all that money and privilege, they turned out fairly normal. Besides, I find Candy’s bitch slaps via e-mail to me most refreshing. Check out her latest to Kiddie Porn King Joe Francis:

Dear Joe,

As the headlines about you changed — to scream “imprisoned” and “U.S. marshals” instead of “filmmaker” and “entrepreneur,” you respond by crying, wailing and seeing yourself as a victim. Bad move. Today’s headlines call you a “crybaby.”

You blew it, Joe. Instead of jumping from party to party, you’re being shuffled from one prison to another. And no one feels sorry for you. The flatterers and entourages have moved on. They have short attention spans. They’re hanging on to someone else and will take advantage of the new “temp celebrity” as long as it lasts.

The only redeeming factor is reading that you have been calling home every day from prison. When things are looking bleak, it sounds like you’ve found that you can get some perspective from the reliable people at home. Maybe you’re realizing these are the only people who really care about you.

Your world has changed, and you’re the poster boy for what can happen when boys go wild. Your every move and every emotion are still being reported, but not the way you want. It’s time for some dignity. At least it might prevent you from being forever defined as a crybaby.

Sincerely,

Candy Spelling