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2007 June » Hollywood Snark
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Archive for June, 2007


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cameron-diaz-loser.JPG I feel so sorry for Joanne Sarantakos, the embittered soon to be ex-wife of magician Criss Angel who filed for divorce in the wake of of his high profile affair with Cameron Diaz. Sarantakos claims Angel forced her to keep their marriage a secret to boost his ratings with women. Oh, Joanne, honey. Didn’t you know that’s the oldest trick in the book? Literally? After all those years of you slaving while he stayed home practicing how to pull and egg out from someone’s ear, I hope you take his pretentious fur vest trucker hat wearing ass to the cleaners and make his fortune dissapear.

Vince Neil’s Te-Kill-Ya


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Wow. If you killed someone drunk driving, would you start up your own line of premium alcoholic tasty beverages? Me neither, but then again, Vince Neil isn’t one of us. The one time front man for Motley Crue who served 30 days in jail for the death of friend when Neil crashed his car while intoxicated has decided that you need to get wasted too and he will provide the tequila that will take you there. Each bottle comes with a free container of Aqua Net, glittery eyeliner and a paternity suit from a girl who says she got knocked up during the House Of Pain tour in Jersey.

Mysteries Surround Benoit Tragedy


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After wrestling star Chris Benoit murdered his wife and son in a murder suicide in their Atlanta home pictured above, the oddities surrounding the case continue to surface.

An anonymous hacker in Stanford, Connecticut fessed up to hacking Benoit’s Wikipedia page to report the death of his wife Nancy hours before Benoit killed her and son Chris:

“Chris Benoit was replaced by Johnny Nitro for the [ECW] Championship Wrestling Championship match at Vengeance, as Benoit was not there due to personal issues, stemming from the death of his wife Nancy.”

When the strangulation of Nancy Benoit was headline news some 14 hours after the posting, the guy tried to explain:

“Last weekend, I had heard about Chris Benoit no showing [at] Vengeance because of a family emergency, and I had heard rumors about why that was. I was reading rumors and speculation about this matter online, and one of them included that his wife may have passed away, and I did the wrong thing by posting it on wikipedia to spite [sic] there being no evidence,” the message read. “I posted my speculation on the situation at the time and I am deeply sorry about this, and I was just as shocked as everyone when I heard that this actually would happen in real life. It is one of those things that just turned into a huge coincidence. “That night I found out that what I posted, ended up actually happening, a 1 in 10,000 chance of happening, or so I thought. I was beyond wrong for posting wrongful information, and I am sorry to everyone for this,” lamented the user. “I just want everyone to know it was stupid of me, and I will never do anything like this again.”

See, this is why people need to have hobbies outside of the internet and jacking off in the basement.

It’s A Girl For Katie And Peter!


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Aww, Harvey and Junior get a baby sister and Peter gets another girl to coordinate outfits with as Big Boobed Media Sensation Katie Price aka Jordan gave birth to a baby girl early yesterday. Mother and daughter are oing fine after the C-section delivery, but no word on whether Jordan’s had her Harvey Hole tightened as she planned.

Kevin Denies Brit Divorce Over Kids


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federline1.jpg

Did you ever in all your life imagine Kevin Federline would be the one to come out looking like the hero of a parent? For all his manpris and crappy rap albums, Kevin seems to be the one looking out for his children’s best interests, the reason he’s not putting his John Hancock on anything:

“Britney’s attorneys are anxious to see Kevin sign off on a divorce. But Kevin and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are dragging their heels out of concern over reports of Britney’s post-rehab partying. [Federline] wants to make sure that the divorce document makes it simple enough for Kevin to downsize Britney’s access to her kids the next time her behavior troubles him.”

britney-spears-candid-slip-00.jpgbritney-spears-ass1.jpg

Britney really pissed Kevin off when she took the boys to Hawaii sans nanny when their agreement specified she wouldn’t go anywhere without one and do you blame him? She wasn’t out of rehab but ten minutes before she was spotted losing control of her clothing and guzzling cocktails while the kids were tended to by the body guards. I mean, not that I have anything against bodyguards, but I am not sure how kung fu is going to help when you need to change a diaper. Britney is reportedly furious with her family and ex for forcing her into rehab and is said to be cutting ties faster than, well, a pop star shaving her head.


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