The penny I tossed into the Wishing Well worked because lo and behold, the photos of Prince Frederic von Anhalt post mugging sans royal garb have surfaced. Could it get anymore delicious? I love that it’s broad daylight in Bel Air and there just happened to be nobody around to save his Royal Highness except the intrepid photographers over at Flynet. Don’t act like that. You know you wanted to do the same thing to him everytime he was crying on tv about being Dannielynn’s dad.

You’d think Pete Doherty would want to be kind to Kate Moss, the woman who put up with the shenanigans like finding syringes posted up by the toy box, but noooo. He had to go off and get himself engaged to some French tart, then gave a nasty interview blasting the pygmy of the catwalk for reading the tabloids:

Said dopey Doherty in the interview, “F**king hell man, why does she read the Daily Mirror anyway? She moans all the time about the f**king paparazzi then first thing in the morning she’s got to buy your paper.”

Maybe she was trying to keep all your court dates and various arrests in order, Pete? Or maybe she just enjoyed looking at your ghoulish pasty visage and the lack of appetite it gave her. Either way, cheers!

And it is about as good as the one that Jefferson Davis had when he decided paying someone to pick cotton was totally bogus. Senor Lohan will be running a-get your O face ready-a REHAB CLINIC:

Michael has been living in a faith-based drug treatment center in West Babylon, Newsday reports, and he told the court that he plans to open his own rehab and crisis center at a Southampton church on Sept. 4. “I’m going to start making a living again,” he said Monday after another scheduled appearance in Nassau County Family Court in Westbury.

SWEET JESUS. The Big Guy In The Sky is looking down right saying “No. Freaking. Way!” Lohan’s decision to exploit his family’s penchant for self-destructive behaviour comes on the heels of a judge ordering him to pay $500 a week in child support to Dina Lohan, who plans to use the money to get her hair done before she hits the bars with other meal tickets Aliana and Dakota. It’s never to early to teach the kids how the art of dysfunction advances one’s career.

In your life did you ever imagine Rob Schneider being the one making sense? He snapped back at Dina Lohan’s rage against his hilarious Leno appearance:

“When Mrs. Lohan stops partying with her child, then I’ll have an ounce of respect for her,” Schneider tells PEOPLE. Schneider had an equal amount of tough love for Lindsay. “I don’t care if her parents are both crummy – you cannot blame your parents anymore. She’s not a kid,” the former Saturday Night Live star says of the troubled 21-year-old. “Lindsay, get it together, America will forgive you but you gotta do something positive with your life,” Schneider adds. “I hope she does okay but at a certain point, there’s so many bigger problems in the world than Lindsay Lohan. “I hope she gets her head out of her nice, cute little rear end and finds a life for herself,”

My respect for him just increased tenfold! Why is freaking Deuce Bigalow the only one willing to say what we all know is true? Lindsay’s just a waste of freckles and Louboutins until she decides to get real about her addiction.

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie’s reality show ‘The Simple Life’ has been canceled. “‘Simple Life’ has been a wonderful addition to the E! schedule for two years and we will always be grateful to Paris and Nicole for the hard work and graciousness,” a spokesman for the cable network said.

Considering the fact that most network executives have the combined IQ of a head of lettuce and two carrots, the decision to cancel Slutastic Anorexia Bad Hair Weave Showdown The Simple Life comes as a pleasant surprise. Personally, I wasn’t a fan. If I wanted to watch some chick in huge Prada sunglasses annoy the piss out of people and pretend to work, I would have set a camera up at my job and taped myself.