Madonna Is Afraid Africa Will Find Out She’s An Alcoholic

After ‘adopting’ the 2 year-old Malawian boy, David Banda, Madonna and Guy Richie are scared of Penston Kilembe — director of Malawi’s Ministry of Child Welfare - and his upcoming visit to their London home where he’ll be observing the family.

“This home study is a big deal," a source of The Sun said. "And Madonna and Guy have been absolutely dreading it. Malawi is a conservative country that disapproves of drugs, alcohol, divorce and cheating."

“These assessments are very gruelling and many couples don’t pass.”

In two weeks Kilembe will spend 5 days with the couple, observing them for up to 5 hours a day at their £5.7million home.

Last year 50 civil rights groups filed petitions trying to block Madonna’s adoption of David and if Kilembe finds out Madonna mixes vodka with all that Kabala water she drinks, they’re in real trouble.

Of course, if this one falls through the couple have already picked out another kid from Africa named Grace. Outrageous.