The People Care About Nick Nolte

Fame is a dangerous bitch of a town, like a hooker with AIDS and a strong loathing for men who abused her as a child. Nick “What Have You Seen Me In Lately?” Nolte found that out the hard way when he was stuck in a Hawaii airport weaving in and out of conciousness on the nice cool floor:

According to the source, Nolte was still extremely friendly despite his groggy state — chatting with fans and allowing passengers to snap photos, however, he wasn’t entirely functional. “At one point we helped him put a dollar in the vending machine.”

Maybe I’m a saint, but when I see someone passing out on the floor, I try to find them medical treatment, not lend them a hand so they can get some Doritos. That one chick behind him looks like she’s whispering “Gary, look! It’s the guy from Down And Out In Beverly Hills! Maybe he’ll start foaming at the mouth soon!”