Lindsay: I’m A Victim, Too

While Mommie Dearest Dina was busy mourning the ineveitable loss of her reality show touting the talents of her Firecrotch Roster and dad Michael was blabbing to any media outlet that would listen about how he and Jesus have some big plan to get Lindsay right if his bitch of an ex-wife would just stop BUSTING HIS BALLS FOR THE SAKE OF HIS DAUGHTER, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, Little Lindsay Lohan issued a statement via e-mail:

“Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”

Of course, baby. Now just set the crack pipe and the pickax down, ok?? Unless you are aiming for the people who spawned you, in that case I highly endorse such action and will even provide a towel to help tidy up after.