Archive for September, 2007

Rumer Willis Has A New Straw Hat


Oh, wait. That’s just her new platinum blonde hairdon’t. This is such a tragedy because she finally got over that Mrs. Potato Head chin and grew into her looks, but then she had to go and fug it up by choosing a hair colour that washes her out entirely. She says her parents love it, but that’s just Ashton Kutcher trying to be cool with his stepkids so they don’t roll their eyes and run off to text their friends about how Punk’d will never be as cool as Die Hard.

Tom Cruise’s Bomb Shelter


Naw, it won’t be for future movie flops though he might want to consider building one for when Top Gun: The Opera! gets greenlighted. This one is for his his family in case of disaster:

“Tom is planning to build a US$10 million bunker under his Telluride estate.” “It’s a self-contained underground shelter with a high tech air purifying shelter.” The facility is said to have enough room for ten people - including wife Katie Holmes, 17-month-old daughter Suri and his adopted children Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.

Could you imagine being trapped underground with the Cruise Clan? I’d rather gouge my eyes out and replace them with Super Bouncy Balls than listen to diatribes about why Scientology rocks their socks off or listen to Katie sighs as she remembers the good old days before the world was watching her pick out shoes with Victoria Beckham and all she had to worry about was Pacey Witter and his dastardly good looks trying to weasel his way into her panties on Dawson’s Creek.

Shilpa Shetty And The Kiss Of Death


Poor little Shilpa Shetty. Stupid Richard Gere and his grabby, sexually provactive hands have her in tons of trouble despite the face that it happened like, a million years ago. I don’t know when exactly, but I’m pretty sure it was around the time Courtney Love was still looking vaguely human.

Immigration officials at Mumbai airport briefly detained Shetty, refusing to let her out the country, saying she was still wanted for obscenity charges filed in the wake of the public kiss, her publicist Dale Bhagwagar said Thursday. Shetty was in tears late Wednesday after being stopped at the airport while on her way to Berlin where the musical “Miss Bollywood” opens this weekend, said Bhagwagar. Shetty plays the musical’s lead role. In April Gere publicly kissed shetty at an AIDS awareness event in India, sparking an outcry among conservative hardline Hindus, who claimed they had violated the country’s strict anti-obscenity laws. A regional court issued arrest warrants against Gere and barred Shetty from leaving the country. The order was soon overturned by the Supreme Court. But the Supreme Court ruling did not show up in the immigration department computer system, Bhagwagar said. “She called me in the middle of the night and was in tears,” said Bhagwagar, adding Shetty was finally permitted to join her dance troupe after prolonged questioning. “I can understand something like this if I’d committed a criminal offense. But what was my offense, when I’m just an actor, going to perform a musical on foreign land,” Bhagwagar quoted Shetty saying.

Isn’t it weird that Richard Gere always ends up in these bizarre sexual positions? First the gerbil thing and now this kiss that seems to have offended the nation of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon? I feel like he should go away and live the asexual life of a eunuch so as not to cause anymore trouble. That or shack up with Jared from Subway. It’s kind of the same thing.

Sarah Silverman Doesn’t Care About Feelings


Sarah Sliverman is completely flabbergasted that people were upset over her Video Music Awards monologue where she ragged on Britney Spears’ kids:

“The joke that everyone was upset about — me calling the kids ‘adorable mistakes’ — was the most innocuous joke. It never occurred to me that would be deemed hurtful or over the line. “I don’t want to get into feuds with girls half my age. I’m in it to be funny and not for the drama. It’s embarrassing.”

She’s right, you know. Even if the kids had been there or old enough to understand what a “Mistake” is outside the context of “What Mommy Does With Her Life”, she did the correct thing by staying out of the target range of the vicious ‘tween set. One time, I was at the mall hanging out in front of the Limited Too and I said something about Britney needing to put a bra on and a whole gang of those little prosti-tots attacked me with their high heels and glittery makeup. I only escaped because I said “Hey, isn’t that Zac Efron over there?” and running for my life.

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