Britney’s Life Just Keeps Getting Better

So the secret witness in the custody trial turned out to be Tony Baretto, Spears’ ex-bodyguard who was fired for not picking up one of Miss Spears’ Hide-A-Weave Hat Tricks from off the the ground. Baretto told the court how Brit is frequently naked around her kids and also freely indulges in her drug habit while her sons are in her care. f course Britney’s camp would like to spin it so it looks like this guy is just mad because he’s not rolling with the Mommie Dearest entourage anymore, but it’s hard to call sour grapes on someone who had to watch a one and a two year old deal with their mother passing out nude after stealing pages from their pop up books to roll joints on. Naturally, Britney has temporarily lost custody of the boys and they are in Kevin’s care while they sort out the rest of the mess.

Even Britney’s management couldn’t take it anymore and have ditched her like she was the Homecoming Queen everyone just found out has herpes:

“It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears,” the company stated. “We have represented Britney for the past month. We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record. But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish Britney the best.”

But you know what the worst is? That threat on Kevin Federline’s life? A total lie! Nobody wants to kill Kevin, it was a fabricated story that had little basis in reality. I bet you all my Star Wars cards it was just Britney all hepped up on Cheetos and Criss AngelDust telling him she was going to kill him because he wouldn’t wake the kids up to go on a burger run with her.