O.J. Out On Bail

A creepily calm O.J. Simpson emerged from a Las Vegas prison to a roar of a maddening crowd of various members of the public shaking bottles of orange juice at the fallen star:

In a hearing that lasted less than 10 minutes, Clark County Dist. Atty. David Roger outlined a deal reached with Simpson’s attorneys to allow their client to be released on bail. He was instructed to relinquish his passport and was ordered to stay away from any suspects or potential witnesses in the case.”There will be no direct contact, no indirect contact with anyone whatsoever. If you see them walking, you cross the street to the other side,” Judge Joseph Bonaventure admonished Simpson in a stern tone. “Yes, sir,” Simpson responded softly.

Adding to the discomfort was the arrest of one of O.J.’s accusers, Alfred Beardsley, who claims the Juice committed robbery and kidnapping in order to get his hands back on some sports memorabilia in Las Vegas. Beardsley was sentenced to two years in jail for stalking his ex-girlfriend. Beardsley says she wanted him back, which is totally what women forced to file restraining orders against desperate middle aged me secretly want. He must really care if he spends all that time tracking her every move from yoga class to taking to dog for a crap around the corner.