Tom Cruise Is Forever Inappropriate

Oy Gevalt, Tom Cruise!

This one really hits below the belt because my elderly Jewish neighbor cornered me earlier screaming about how Hollywood Fuhrer Tom Cruise was at a Paris premiere promoting a movie where he plays a Nazi officer and he just happens to be making a gesture that could very well pass for a Seig Heil, particularly if you can’t see that great without your sequined reading glasses. Which Mrs. Steinel cannot.

Tom, I tried to explain to her that you were probably just waving to your fans and not giving a Big Ups to a regime that murdered over 6 million of her peeps, but she wasn’t really having it and I don’t blame her. Get rid of the sweaty Hitler bangs, too, T. You look like a Brownshirt Youth caught up in the Emo Revolution.