Archive for December, 2007

Short man Tom Cruise Stealing Katies shoes

tom cruise stealing katie holmes' shoes

It’s no secret Tom Cruise is one of the shorter men in Hollywood.

Now in response to Katie Holmes’ height and affection for high heels, Tom is reportedly stealing them and giving them the chuck so she doesn’t tower over him anymore.

“Katie says she’ll look for some of her favorite high heels and when she can’t find them, she’ll ask Tom about it,” the friend told Star Magazine. “He’ll say ‘Oh, Lee Anne [Tom’s sister] wanted to borromw them.’ And then, for some reason, they never turn up again.”

“But Katie doesn’t call Tom out on it - she just shrugs and says, ‘Well, he’s given me another reason to go shopping for another pair!’”

That’s a good attitude from Katie! However, this is definitely a sign of a split. I’m going out on a limb and calling an end to this one by the end of the year. Quote Me!

Hannah Montana And The Trouble With Lies


The 6 year old girl who won a prize of four tickets to see Tween Queen Hannah Montana has had her little dreams crushed after it was revealed her mother lied to win:

Priscilla Ceballos, the mother of the young girl, had told the company sponsoring the contest that the girl’s father died April 17 in a roadside bombing in Iraq. When the spokesman asked the girl’s mom if the story was true, the mother said no. God bless America.”We never said this was a true story,” Ceballos told FOX 4 in Dallas. “We do essays all the time. My daughter does essays at school all the time. It never did say it had to be true, but [the contest organizer] said “Club Libby Lu has been evaluating the situation surrounding our Hannah Montana Rock Your Holidays Essay Contest and is extremely sensitive to the fact we’re dealing with a 6-year-old little girl. We wanted to take ample time to gather all the necessary facts in order to make an appropriate decision regarding whether or not we would award the Hannah Montana concert tickets and other prizes to the Ceballos family.
After awarding the grand prize, we unfortunately learned that the statements made in the essay were untrue. Club Libby Lu greatly values honesty and integrity. In order to uphold these values, we have decided to withdraw the award initially given to the Ceballos family. Consequently, we will award the prize to another winner already identified. With this decision, we hope to revive the intended spirit of the contest, which was designed to make a little girl’s holidays extra special. In order to protect the family’s privacy, we have decided to not disclose the name of the new winner.”

What kind of parent lies about war and death to ensure a win? The same mother that 10 years from now is out in the backyard digging a hole when said daughter comes home pregnant.

The World Really, Really Hates Jessica Simpson


As if being targeted as the sole reason the Dallas Cowboys are sucking like a tranny hooker in Eddie Murphy’s front seat wasn’t enough to make Jessica Simpson’s life a living hell, now her new movie has totally tanked:

The turkey took in just $1,322 on its opening weekend in eight Texas theaters. Jessica’s next picture, “Major Movie Star,” with Vivica A. Fox and Steve Guttenberg, is also heading straight to DVD.

Of course I am going to shift the blame right where it belongs: in the lap of her creepy pseudo-religious father who seems to find great pleasure in espousing the mega inflated “talent” that lies on his eldest daughter’s chest in the form of two DD cups of buttery boob. You know, I had a friend who had a dad who talked about her body like that but instead of making movies that suck, she ended up as a stripper with major boundary issues before that career Segway’d into Lot Lizard Numero Uno at that Sunoco by the Mexican Border. What I’m trying to say is that Jessica should really look on the bright side. Girls with pervert daddies have ended up worse.

Mischa Barton Popped For DUI


I always think of the Mischa Barton as the poor man’s Lindsay Lohan: dating skanky men, making poor choices, staring blankly into space at the drugs overwhelm her system etc. so it’s even sadder that she just now got her ass arrested for driving like a maniac. That’s so 2006.

The former “O.C.” star was pulled over early this morning around 2:45 AM as she was driving in West Hollywood, Calif., and is still in custody, being held on $10,000 bail.

God, look at that mug shot! It’s like E.T. banged a chick he met at a NASCAR shindig and that’s the alien trailer trash baby they created.

Will Smith And The Trouble With Hitler


Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘Let me do the most evil thing I can do today’. “I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was ‘good’. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.”

Oh, Will. Will, Will, Will. This isn’t the guy who cut in front of you at the gym to use the elliptical machine with the rationale that he will NEVER get to his ab work if he doesn’t bust a move in his cardio RIGHT NOW. This is a man who was responsible for the murder of millions of innocents! He saw the plans for the first microwave oven and asked if it could seat 500! Astonishingly, the US Anti-Defamation League has forgiven him:

We welcome and accept Will Smith’s statement that Hitler was a ‘vicious killer’ and that he did not mean for his remarks about the Nazi leader to be mistaken as praise,” Abraham Foxman

You cut it close, Will. Just don’t be out there with a musical number in your next movie entitled “If I’d Have Known You Were Coming I’d Have Baked A Kike.”

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