Britney Spears Under Investigation For Child Abuse

Of course she is! It’s Britney Spears! She would dress the kids in meat bathing suits then take them to the zoo and drop them off in the bear cage while she wet off to smoke a joint behind the bird exhibit. Then she would claim she thought it was Build-A-Bear and shrug off their horrific wounds with a “My bad!”

Newly released court documents state that La Spears is indeed under the scrutiny of Child Protective Services as she continues to booze her way to getting custody of her sons Sean and Jayden. Her lawyer tried to to file a motion to keep the documents supressed:

“I try to keep the children’s travel and transportation plans as confidential as possible in order to minimize the chances that unscrupulous journalists will gain unwelcome access to me and the boys. Such information greatly increases the chances that the actions of the media could threaten the safety of the children by, for example, causing a traffic accident or by exposing them to criminals who might target them for financial gain.”

So says the woman who routinely allows to paparazzi to pump her gas, give her directions and order her Taco Bell while recklessly driving in a convertible with her children improperly strapped into carseats. Nice try. CPS smacked her back:

“Based upon its investigation to date, it should be noted that [the Department of Children and Family Services] has concerns of its own regarding the safety and welfare of the children if the children are left in the mother’s care.”

If I had a choice between leaving my kids with Britney or leaving then in the ring during a bullfight, I’d be yanking off their red t-shirts and teaching them to shout “Ole!”