Christina Aguilera To Replace Gwen Stefani As Blond MILF Captain

Christina Aguilera finally gave birth to a son named Max Liron Bratman after what seemed like 18 years of “CHRISTINA BABY BUMP WATCH!” This kid is going to have one helluva sweet and pampered life, no? I mean, the only draw back is that he won’t be able to think “Damn, that Aguilera is hotness all up and down Sesame Street!” I’ve dreamt about her boobs for days, but not in the way Max is going to have to if he wants to remain socially acceptable.