Divorce Judge Calls Heather Mills A Liar

The judge overseeing the divorce between Paul McCartney and his ex-wife has labeled Heather Mills as the Slim Shady in what has drawn out to be an ugly scenario:

“The wife’s evidence that in some way she was the husband’s ‘psychologist’, even allowing for hyperbole, is typical of her make-belief,” said the judge, and “her case that in some way she single-handedly saved him was exaggerated”. He added: “I wholly reject her account that she rekindled the husband’s professional flame and gave him back his confidence.”

Dressed in her finest duds stolen from the wardrobe department of the Mary Tyler Moore show, the newly single* Heather Mills gave the press one of her signature rants after she was awarded $50 million from the estate of her estranged husband Paul McCartney:

“I wanted to keep the judgement private. Paul has just said he wants it public, that’s the only reason I’m talking. He’s always wanted it public because he wants to look like he’s this generous Sir Paul.”

Ha! She wants to keep this private so the world doesn’t find out that she literally hosed down McCartney’s lawyer with a glass of water after a ruling she wasn’t keen on:

“She’s worried about how the full judgment will make her look if it’s published - and she doesn’t want to go there. “Her conduct during the divorce is being questioned. She was so angry she tipped a glass of water over Fiona Shackleton’s head leaving her with soaking wet hair. “Everyone was stunned. That kind of behaviour is just not acceptable.”

So what have we learned? Oh yes, that the most important thing you can do to make a good example for your children is to behave like one. Bless you, Heather Mills, you angel of behaviour. We could all learn a lesson from her watery ways.

*There’s a joke to be made here about her only having one leg to stand on and being divorced, I just can’t get in the groove for it.