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2008 May » Hollywood Snark
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Archive for May, 2008


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200080528-rachaelray-1.jpg

If I was making pasta and someone came along and said “Hey, do you mind if we use this pot of boiling water to drown Rachael Ray?” I would gladly ditch my apron and go hungry for the rest of the night because nothing is more offensive to me than this woman. From her Tuna Oreo Hot Dog Butter Casserole Topped With Potato Chip Crusted M&Ms recipes to her wow-do-you-smoke-cigarettes-or-eat-them rasp of a voice, she angers me to the point that I can’t even walk down the snack food aisle for fear of her Joker like face jumping out at me from a packet of Wheat Thins. This is why this bit of news delights me:

Dunkin Donuts has pulled a Rachael Ray ad where she appears to be wearing a keffiyeh, a traditional headdress worn by Arab men and, more recently, a fashion accessory, due to opposition from those who see the scarf as a symbol and representation of support for Palestinian terrorism. Now the world is safe from a black and white paisley scarf-donning Rachael Ray.

OMG, I totally saw the bad guy in Iron Man rocking one of those! I hope someone totally attacks her on the street for offending them. Anyone who tries to copyright the term “just eyeball it”* deserves to die of a horrible death. Maybe feed her all her own food until she has a coronary.

*True Story! Google It!


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post_image-0519_jessica_biel_jtim_00-1.jpg

Somewhere Cameron D
Is Crying On Her Pillow
“Why Is That Not Me?”

Katie Holmes Is Off To Summer Camp!


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00105cruiseholmes.jpg

Something tells me there won’t be any s’mores and campfire stories in Mrs. Cruise’s future. Scientology Camp is is probably less about making friendship bracelets and more about auditing the demons that dwell within by drinking lots of oil and sitting in a hot room. Don’t believe me? Google it, bitches.

“It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes,” a Scientology insider reveals. “Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.” Katie’s intensive Scientology training and treatments have been accelerated in recent weeks, says another source, because she wanted to go to New York City without Tom to star in a Broadway play. But Tom stepped in and put the kibosh on her plans. And now Katie’s been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight — with little sleep or food.

Look, I know Mad Money was a total bust but is this where she’s at in her life? A few ugly tabloid covers and a wild hair up her ass about a week or two alone in NYC sans husband results in a forced sweat lodge visit accompanied by salad dressing ingredients? Oy.


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