Tatum O’Neal And The Best Excuse For Crack Use Ever

After Academy Award winning actress Tatum O’Neal was busted buying crack cocaine a few evenings ago, she explained her actions thusly:

At the time of her arrest, O’Neal allegedly told cops she was “doing research” for a film role, but she has now changed her story, claiming her dog’s death three weeks ago “set her off.” She tells the New York Post, “There’s no excuse for what I did. (But) I lost my Scottish terrier, Lena. That seemed to set me off. “She got old. She got cancer. She was the fabric of our family. We had to let her go to heaven. My daughter and I had to put her down. It was too horrible for words. “I couldn’t get out of it. I was going to my psychiatrist. I was doing everything I could do. I have the disease of alcoholism. It’s lifelong. I treat it every day by going to my 12-step program.”

That was her excuse? The dog? I mean, I love animals and not just the tasty ones but Tatum has to be the only person over the age of seven to use the Doggie Defense to justify naughty behaviour. Blaming Sparky’s preference for spiral bound notepaper over Alpo might be ok for getting you off the hook for not doing homework but “the dog drove me back to the crack” just sounds like something that, well, you know. A crackhead would say. Tyrone down on the corner is shaking his head right now in disbelief at this story and this is someone I saw trying to sell his socks earlier to get rock money.