How To Be Famous Without Really Trying By Brooke Hogan And Heidi Montag

Unless you can put “getting huge fake breast implants and bleaching hair until it looks like a Barbie doll that’s been ravaged by the sands of time” on your resume, Brooke Hogan and Heidi Montag are pretty useless people. That’s why it’s extra important for them to engineer pointless feuds with each other in that manner unique to only our species: the dis song. A lyrical sample from La Hogan’s upcoming single “Ur Not So Hot” where she takes aim at Hills Ho Heidi Montag:

Umm. Hey Brooke, what’s up?” the Heidi-impersonator says. “This is Heidi Montag. I just want to let you know that I’m making a record and that your record … better watch its back. And, if you think that Stack$ is awesome, just wait for Spencer. Bye.”

What did Heidi do to incure such wrath? We turn to Brooke’s Twitter account for these hard hitting facts:

“WHY???? Because I can,” she wrote. “And this is just the tip of the iceberg! I’m so sick of people that use me and my family, people with NO talent calling people out who work harder than them, and just people who have a dumbass attitude to begin with.”

I can get behind Brooke’s logic. Rich girls from craptastic reality series whose consumption of silicone rivals that of Microsoft just coasting along on their 15 minutes of fame recording musical atrocities absolutely deserve this shabby treatment. Brooke is different! She’s special! You would be too if your childhood consisted of watching your father wrangle with other men in a unitard! Take that, Heidi!