The soon to be ex-wife of Baywatch Man Candy David Hasselhoff has hired celebrity attorney Debra "Bling It On" Opri as her divorce lawyer. Pamela Bach has teamed up with the woman best known for charging Larry Birkhead for 10 billable hours when she attended the funeral of his baby momma Anna Nicole Smith as part of the over half a million dollar bill she presented him with after they parted ways. Bach spoke about her decision to leave her hubby: "There is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and if I didn’t have a restraining order there would be physical abuse. Debra is a winner, and I’m sick of being abused." Boss Hoss issued this statement via his peeps: The representative said: "Mr. Hasselhoff continues to fulfil his obligations to his former wife and their children and as a result they continue to maintain the same lifestyle they were accustomed to. Unfortunately, his ex-wife continues to use the press and the children as a tool to present herself as a victim. She has had no less than nine sets of attorneys who have all let her go due to the inconsistency of her behaviour." Nine? That’s more husbands than Liz Taylor, which is the measuring stick for all crazy behaviour.

When I heard John Ratzenberger aka Cliff Clavin, the know it all postman from the 80’s tv show Cheers was going to be on Dancing With The Stars, I actually got into a fight with my dad, who is also a former mailman. I said he’d be out of there before they could mop the sweat n’ sequins off the first show and dad disagreed. Now I look stupid because he just now got voted off, he had longer staying power than Heather Mills and that peg leg! So, this is an apology to my dad. Sorry I thought the Mailman Shuffle would suck and I admit that Postmen have mad game and all the hot dance moves.

G-Bund quit her day job as a Victoria’s Secret model because they wouldn’t give her more money. That ho makes $5 million dollars a year to stand around and get free panties and that wasn’t enough:

“Her demands were outrageous. She got a new lawyer who was unrealistic. Victoria’s Secret doesn’t care. They have five new hotter, younger girls debuting next year. And they won’t have to deal with any craziness.

Awesome! I have hated that girl since she had to nerve to blame anorexics families for making them that way:

“I never suffered from this problem (anorexia) because I had a very strong family base. Parents are responsible, not the fashion industry,” “Everybody knows that the norm in fashion is thin. But excuse me, there are people born with the right genes for this profession.” Gisele said that as a child her peers teased her for being skinny with names like Olive Oil, the character from the Popeye cartoon. “In fashion I felt accepted … I never felt lonely because I always relied on my family.”

Pardon me while I get my violin out for a tall and wealthy model who has a functional family. I’ll just take the money I was going to give to the orphans with polio and give it to her, because clearly she’s the one hurting here.

Dannielynn’s Granny Virgie hit up Inside Edition to tell the world she’s not sorry for her ongoing battle against Larry Birkhead to gain secondary custody of Anna’s Angel:

“I don’t have to have the public … to do what I think is right.”

Hear that America? Virgie plays by her own rules. If she wants to have sex with her stepbrother or seize custody of her estranged daughter’s million dollar baby, she’s Bobby Brown all the way: It’s Her Perogative.

Doesn’t really matter anymore, since Larry brought a teething Dannielynn home today to Louisville, Kentucky just in time for the Derby Festivities.

Of all the people in the world, could you IMAGINE one of the Girls from Flava Of Love Part 2: Charm School ending up with a SEX TAPE. I mean, these are some ghetto ass chicks looking to hook up with a guy best known for wearing a clock around his neck that makes Big Ben look like a Timex by getting their learn on, My Fair Lady stylo. Jennifer “Toastee” Toof stars in Toastee Exposed, a little number that highlights her sexual enthusiasm and body bending skills.

“I have decided that I could either put a lot of time, effort, and money into pursuing legal action to prevent the video’s release, or I could put a lot of time effort and money into my medical degree; I choose the latter.”, penned the reality starlet via VH1’s blog. Is there a med school that takes one dollar bills covered in body glitter?

Famous for tig ole maybe fake bitties Kim Kardashian has settled her feud with Vivid Entertainment for a reportedly $5 million dollars for the limited release of Kim Kardashian: Superstar, her interracial romp with fellow fringe of famer Ray J. I know! It made me cry, too.