TMZ has an awesome video of a totally stoned Britney trying to order Taco Bell with her baby sister Jamie-Lynn. Sh*tney has such a hard time expressing what she wants, one of the photographers has to come in and help her get her food. She and her underage sister are laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world to happen since Sean Preston stepped on a rusty nail out by the pool and made this totally stupid baby face when he started crying. God, those kids are annoying. Thank Jesus their father or some other hired help has them because it’s a total buzzkill to have to strap them into some car seat thingies when all you want to do is make a quick run to the Border for some Choco Tacos. Besides, how else is Jamie-Lynn going to learn the fine art of tipping off the press everytime you leave the house? Look, she’s even got Brit’s granny goggles on so people know she’s real smart. She’s so responsible because she has a sitcom on Nickelodeon and everyone thought she was pregnant that one time but she would never get pregnant because look at what it did to Britney’s career and Jamie-Lynn is going to be bringing this family back! She’ll be Janet to Britney’s Michael Jackson. You can expect to see the babies dangling from a hotel balcony any day now.

Supermom Spears has been so very busy y’all! After her song “Gimme More” is an official Billboard showed us that tone deaf tweens tastes rule pop music, the busted bubblegum babe treated herself to a night in a luxury hotel letting know former panty remover Fed-Ex should bring her children there for their scheduled visitation. Team Federline balked at the idea of room service meals and those little folded points of toilet paper being the children’s only toys and demanded that Brit be home for their visit. So Kevin trots the kids to Malibu early Friday morning and rings the door but Oops! The Security System Is Broken Again. After forty minutes of waiting around Kevin took the babies home only to have Britney begging him to bring back to children because she had some leftover McNuggets that were getting cold and greasy. The visit ended up being rescheduled so the babies could enjoy their dosage of a mom who gleefully told the cameras “I’m So Happy Right Now!” just days after a judge deemed her to be an unfit parent. I’d be smiling too if I was now free to drink Fraps and get my nails done without some nanny or police people coming to tell me how my kids are “traumatized” and “high off the hair weave glue fumes.”

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Tom Cruise’s handlers want you to know that there is nothing going wrong with his movie Valkyrie. The people who want you to think that the film processing was sabotaged obviously are not clear and really need to be audited then set into a steam room after drinking lots of oil. That’s how Scientology fixes people. It’s a genius religion.

The producers of Tom Cruise’s new World War II movie on Friday denied reports that film shot on location at a historically sensitive site in Berlin had been sabotaged. “I categorically deny this. It is a technical problem, as one often sees in the film world,” Carolin Bitzer from Limelight, the public relations company for the filming of “Valkyrie,” told AFP. She confirmed that scenes shot at the Bendlerblock in Berlin will have to be done again because the film was partly damaged during the development process. “We will have to shoot part of the scenes again,” she said.”

The movie tells the story of Count von Stauffenburg, pictured above as a young go-getter for the Third Reich who aged into Statler from the Muppets:

Seriously, if they are so worried about this film and reshooting, why not just re-cast a Muppet to play Tom’s role? They are about the same height and they are equally talented at giving lip service when someone’s hand is up their arse.

Turns out that Britney lost custody of the children because she couldn’t be bothered to roll out of bed when it came time to take the court ordered drug tetst:

Sources close to the proceedings told the Los Angeles Times that Spears’ assistant twice informed the testing lab that her boss was asleep and then on another occasion told the technicians that Spears would be unavailable to take a test at home.

That methhead mom on Grey’s Anatomy last night is going to wake up out of her coma and demand her baby back because if a sleeping Britney Spears can get visitation by snoring through a judge’s orders, why shouldn’t she be allowed to take her baby back to the flame scarred Meth Lab/Kitchen?

The puppies might be in trouble, though. PETA Prez Ingrid Newkirk shot Kevin an angry letter demanding her get the dogs away from Britney or else!

“As a father, your main concern is the comfort and stability of your children,” reads the letter obtained by E! News. “London [Spears’ Yorkshire terrier] and the other animals whom the boys consider to be a part of the family have provided that comfort and stability. The companionship of beloved companion animals can make a world of difference for the boys during this difficult time, and being separated from the animal friends whom they share a bond with is undoubtedly traumatic for them.”

Now that I am thinking about it, he probably should get those dogs away from her. She’s been seen toting them all over town and pretty soon she’ll be trying to whiten their teeth and giving them Coffee Red Bull Smoothies so they can keep up with mommy.