You Got Served By A
Partridge Karma Looks Like It
Stings Just A Little

The divorce between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards takes any sort of dignity either of them ever had and tossed it in the toilet next to Britney Spears’ parenting skills. Just look at what Page Six unearthed from Denise’s files against her former husband:

Richards accuses Sheen of punching the headboard of their bed once in a rage, and telling her that by no longer breast-feeding, she was causing their daughter, Sam, to “become retarded.”"He took a large wedding photo off the wall. He had it placed in our garage. He sawed the picture in half and took spray paint and sprayed ‘the dumbest day of my life.’” Pictures of Sheen’s “erect penis” that Richards says he used for his profile on sex sites are also included, which Richards claims he e-mailed to “approximately 30 women.” “I’d love to give it to you any time,” Sheen wrote to one woman under the screen name “mrjonze55.” Richards says Sheen even visited gay pornography sites - “which I found even more disturbing because I felt that the boys looked underage.”

Sheen also attacks Richards with the zesty line“go cry to your bald mom, you f—— loser.”

We all know Sheen is a sex addict who would stick his wiener into a hot dog bun if caught at the grocery store with no visible means of sex in the aisle ahead but did he really have to go there about her mom? There are so many things he could have added about her that didn’t have to bring the side effects of a chemo patient in. Why not something about her breaking up the marriage of her best friend Heather Locklear? Or how sometimes her Botox/Tight Ponytail combo makes her look like her eyes might pop out of her head if you gave it a little tappy tap? Denise’s mom has enough to deal with between the cancer and her daughter’s awkward choice in men.

Tommy Lee’s best friend Kid Rock has elegantly accused his ex-wife of faking a miscarriage to keep him from enjoying his floor seats to a Laker’s game:

Anderson got mad when Rock delayed a visit to her on the set of her movie in Canada so he could attend a Los Angeles Lakers game, the 36-year-old singer tells Rolling Stone magazine.”I’m like, ‘Baby, I got these tickets. I’ll see you on the weekend there,’ and that leads into her saying, ‘You don’t care about me, blah blah blah,’ ” Rock says. “She finally comes up with this: ‘I just had a miscarriage’ … and hangs the phone up.” In November 2006, Anderson’s then-publicist issued a statement confirming reports she had a miscarriage and asked that “everyone respect her privacy during this difficult time.” “She’s partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I’m thinking, ‘That’s a quick recovery from a miscarriage.’ “

I really wish celebrities would stop doing these appalling things that become very hard to find the humour in. I mean, I’m a complete jerk most of the time, but there’s something about trying to find a joke in slandering your ex-wife who may or may not have concieved a fake baby just to keep you from hanging out with the boys that has me feeling pushed too far. This is also why they should not issue marriage licenses to anyone with fake boobs the size of watermelons or male celebrities who can’t be bothered to own any shirts that don’t look like Edward Scissorhands gave them a makeover.

Sean Preston better hold little Jayden’s hand because it’s about to get fuglier for mommy as some dude is claiming he’s got a tape of Britney knocking some scuffed up looking boots:

The unnamed 28-year-old told In Touch Weekly the only thing holding him back from releasing the video was the disappointment in his own performance and that he was too embarrassed to share it with the world. “It was just normal sex, we didn’t do anything crazy,” he said. “It was a little disappointing. It lasted for about 25 minutes and then we passed out.” The man said he was living on Hawaii’s Big Island when Spears visited there in June. He claims he left his camera rolling as they hooked up in a bungalow at the Four Seasons hotel on the Kona-Kohala Coast on June 7. He reportedly met the troubled mother-of-two in the hotel bar at 1am and they partied together in her room.

I keep starting to ask myself questions like “How did she not know there was a tape going?” and I have to stop myself and remember that it’s Britney we’re talking about. She gets caught with ketchup smeared on her face and tries to tell people it’s her new makeup line and maybe they want to put in an advance order for some Kool-Aid lipstick and Cheetos blusher? Because it is going to be the hotness, just like her body, new album and deep rooted sense of denial.

For those of us not interested in having children at all, here’s a little birth control for you courtesy Whoopi Goldberg and The View Crew as they openly catcalled Speaker Of The Hizzouse Nancy Pelosi and her hot hubs Paul:

Even before Pelosi walked on stage to take her seat at the round table, the show’s moderator, Whoopi Goldberg, and its co-hosts - with former news anchor Barbara Walters leading the pack - started flirting with the speaker’s husband, Paul, who was seated in the front row. “You wanna take a look at Nancy Pelosi’s handsome husband?” Walters asked the audience. Trying to shout over Whoopi and her other gabbing co-hosts and excited audience members, Barbara turned to Guest Pelosi and said she has heard Whoopi say before that she’d “do Paul Newman.” “And I think she’d like to do your husband as well,” Walters deadpanned in that quintessential accent that made her the subject of late-night lampooning over the decades. Yes, Whoopi implicitly acknowledged, she’d like to do Mr. Pelosi - but she might take his wife while she’s at it. “I would do her as well. But we should wait on that because you’re still in office, I don’t want to cause a problem.”

That was about the most tasteless thing I’ve ever heard of in my life and I’m a tabloid journalist. She’s a politician, not a porn star! The Coffee Bitches took the opening of a serious discussion of the political landscape and turned it into the likes of what the cheerleaders text message each other about after football practice. Maybe next week the Pope could swing by and they can gab about whether it’s boxers or briefs he has going on under those robes. Tee hee!

Hilarious pic via MoonBattery