Britney Spears’ one man entourage Adnan Ghalib was stabbed over the weekend, perhaps in an attempt to rid him of that douchey facial hair. Unfortunately, his huge ego and sense of self satisfaction were not pierced and summarily deflated like a popped boob implant on the set of the final season of Baywatch:

He received a stab wound to his arm, facial lacerations as well as a nice shiner. I’m not sure what to make of this considering that he’s received more and more death threats in recent weeks. Is it coincidence? I don’t know. But in the ever growing Adnan hating world that some blogs live in, the repeated venom spewed at him could have finally boiled over to the real world.

Somehow I’m seeing Sean Preston wearing some little gangster outfit Kevin bought him at Thugs ‘R Us sitting by Adnan’s side telling him “We told you to stay away from my momma!” Wouldn’t that be adorable? And who cares about Britney so much they are willing to commit attempted murder? Taco Bell employees? Starbucks share holders? This could be a new thing, you want someone taken out, just make sure they are brown nosing Britney and presto, you have created a target for assassination. My ideas are amazing.

“Britney is Adnan’s dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he’ll be made for life,” one friend of Adnan’s tells Star.

OK, so I know Adnan thinks a good retirement plan is knocking up a crazy superstar so she’ll hook you up with the sweet life but has anyone heard anything from Kevin Federline lately? Exactly my point. He’s at home trying to scrub the Cheeto stains off the hands and psyches of two small boys and that doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for clubbing or rocking last year’s Ed hardy gear. You wanna rock the cradle with Britney and her hat that looks like one of those things your grandma uses to cover the spare roll of toilet paper, you best be ready for a Starbucks fueled roller coaster.

Know what a really good idea is when you get out of the mental hospital and you’ve been banned from seeing your children? To get married to someone who is already married. I’m serious. It ranks right up there with sharing dirty needles with that guy who lives in a tree because he thinks the world is full of piss:

After Britney got out of the hospital the first time, Adnan talked her into going to Mexico to get married, saying that was the only way he could protect her.”

This is where if I was a truly tasteless person I would say something about Princess Diana getting involved with a Middle Eastern Playboy who has an unsavoury reputation and look what happened to her but since Dodi Al-Fayed didn’t have idiotic facial hair and Britney’s just Royally F*cked, I’ll leave that one alone.

Sure, she shops naked and talks in disturbing accents, but Britney Spears might not have been so far off the mark when she accused her mother of trying to sleep with her boyfriend Adnan Ghalib who showed up to visit his Hospital Honey bearing pink roses and his own camera man:

Many had speculated that Lynne had taken to Adnan in the days leading up to Britney’s hospitalization, especially when the two rode together to the hospital last week while his archenemy Sam Lutfi and Brit’s cousin, Alli Sims, were left to ride in their own cars.

What kind of hell is that? Your boyfriend who happens to be getting closer and closer to the 21 Century Liberace Look might be on the target radar for your mom to get her Midlife Crisis Booty Call on? Ewwwww. I can just see Lynne Spears exposing that saggy cleavage while whispering “Let me show you where Britney got her moves from, baby.”

Britney Spears’ manager Sam Lufti had the singer broken down in tears out in front of her home after police were called when an argument between the two escalated to ugly heights:

Spears and Lufti began arguing, and Spears called her paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib for assistance. Once he arrived, Ghalib was not allowed past Spears’ security gate, Hilton reports. Spears was later photographed crying and distressed. When approached by a photographer to see if she was ok, a tearful Spears replied “I’m fine. I’m sitting for once and having a nice time with my dog,”

The married Adnan Ghalib’s camp issued this statement following the incident:

“The truth is that Sam Lutfi started an argument with Britney and the two ended up in a screaming fight. Sam continued to verbally abuse Britney as she sat barefoot on the curb at her Summit home crying holding her dog London. “Britney called Adnan for help and he heard the distress in her voice and drove to the Summit immediately. While outside the gates he was denied access as Sam Lutfi had informed the guards that he was not allowed entry. When Adnan then tried to call Britney it seems that Sam had turned all of her cell phones off.”

Everytime I think Adnan’s the Douchiest In All Of The Land, Lufti comes along and trumps him some even more appalling behaviour. How Lufti got the be the Svengali of Spears’ world is beyond me, but I am going to go on and assume it involved him dangling something shiny in front of her and when she got close he jabbed with a syringe filled with Slurpees and Meth. That’s called a Cool Runnings, for those of you not in the know.