Some Eurotrash has it in his mind that using Britney Spears as the face of a new line of furniture is going to bring in the Big Bens:

Spies say Spears pere is in talks with Danish celebrity broker Claus Hjelmbak to “bring Danish accent pieces to the United States . . . Britney will be the face of the brand.” The insider tells us that Hjelmbak and Jamie Spears have been working out the deal for more than two months. Hjelmbak and Britney met at the Scandinavian Style Mansion back in December 2007, when Britney was reportedly paid $1 million to celebrate her birthday at the event, hosted by Sharon Stone.

I could see this happening, like people coming over and asking “Why is your couch covered in what looks like dog feces and ratty clumps of 100% Hawaiian Silky stuck on there with Hilton Strength Weave Glue?” Then you could just smile and pound some more Red Bull and Vodka while letting everyone know that what may look like something recovered from the Goodwill reject pile is actually a Britney Spears Limited Edition complete with hidden Fry Daddy for those late night Deep Fried Oreo cravings.

“Britney is Adnan’s dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he’ll be made for life,” one friend of Adnan’s tells Star.

OK, so I know Adnan thinks a good retirement plan is knocking up a crazy superstar so she’ll hook you up with the sweet life but has anyone heard anything from Kevin Federline lately? Exactly my point. He’s at home trying to scrub the Cheeto stains off the hands and psyches of two small boys and that doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for clubbing or rocking last year’s Ed hardy gear. You wanna rock the cradle with Britney and her hat that looks like one of those things your grandma uses to cover the spare roll of toilet paper, you best be ready for a Starbucks fueled roller coaster.

Britney’s former manager Sam Lutfi is under investigation for statements he made concerning the fact that he drugged Britney to make her more compliant. Whatever happened to good old fashioned straight jackets? Kids today.

Police Capt. Kyle Jackon said in a statement Wednesday that the allegations “are being considered” by the Robbery-Homicide unit to determine if laws have been violated. Jackson says no suspect has been identified.

I like how the Spears family is looking for a scapegoat to take the blame for royally screwing up their eldest daughter when they were the ones rubbing ice on her nipples for erotic photo shoots when she should have been roller skating and watching The Cosby Show. I can’t wait until they bring the heat to Starbucks for allowing her to guzzle her weight in Frappuccinos.

Know what a really good idea is when you get out of the mental hospital and you’ve been banned from seeing your children? To get married to someone who is already married. I’m serious. It ranks right up there with sharing dirty needles with that guy who lives in a tree because he thinks the world is full of piss:

After Britney got out of the hospital the first time, Adnan talked her into going to Mexico to get married, saying that was the only way he could protect her.”

This is where if I was a truly tasteless person I would say something about Princess Diana getting involved with a Middle Eastern Playboy who has an unsavoury reputation and look what happened to her but since Dodi Al-Fayed didn’t have idiotic facial hair and Britney’s just Royally F*cked, I’ll leave that one alone.

In what has to be the greatest foul up in medical history, Britney Spears has been released from the psych ward after a court appointed lawyer determined she’s no longer a danger to herself. Tell that to the poor baristas at Starbuck’s who are going to have to deal with her demands and guilt over selling her a bucket of Frappucino large enough to drown herself in. Her parents released this statement:

“As parents of an adult child in the throes of a mental health crisis, we were extremely disappointed this morning to learn that over the recommendation of her treating psychiatrist, our daughter Britney was released from the hospital that could best care for her and keep her safe.” “We are deeply concerned about our daughter’s safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk. There are conservatorship orders in place created to protect our daughter that are being blatantly disregarded. We ask only that the court’s orders be enforced so that a tragedy may be averted.”

Since when do lawyers know anything about whether someone is a danger to themselves or not? Is it Switch Career Day? Does that mean I can go into the dentist’s office and star huffing gas then performing root canals? Because I know when someone’s teeth need repairing. Trust me. I’m a journalist.