Britney Spears’ no show in Los Angeles family court has resulted in her maintaining her no visitation status until February:

The Commissioner has just ruled that Britney will not have visitation restored, at least until the next hearing on February 19.
The order came after the testimony of several people, including two LAPD cops who responded to the craziness a week ago Thursday; Lisa Hacker, a parenting coach; Lonnie Jones, a bodyguard, and Pamela Strong, the court monitor who was present during the drama. K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, testified as well.

While various concerned parties spoke about her state mind, Spears hgad shown up for the hearing but without the cooperation of fed up law enforcement officers chose to ditch court in favor of Argentinian grub with Skank ‘O The Moment Adnan Ghalib and Agent/Douchebag Sam Lufti. Let’s not judge her too harshly for how many of us have looked at our precious children and decided to trade them for spicy meat filled delights? At least it wasn’t exchanging them for crack, though I have a feeling that is next on the Britney agenda.

Here’s the skinny: Kevin’s bodyguard came to pick up the little ones to take them home to daddy and Britney refused for three freaking hours to let the children go so the cops stepped in:

“While officers were on the scene, they observed Ms. Spears under the influence of an unknown substance,” Lee added. “She is now being taken in for an evaluation, more than likely to a hospital. There were no reported injuries to anyone involved including the children.” People magazine reports Spears was supposed to hand over sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, to Kevin Federline’s bodyguard at 7 p.m., but she locked herself in a room with her youngest son and refused to give him up. The court-appointed monitor called the police and Federline, his lawyer, and the cops were spotted arriving at the house an hour later. “[The monitor] had already put Preston in the car when Britney locked herself in a room with Jayden,” a source tells People. “The cops came and got through the door and tied her down to a gurney.”

A strapped down Britney seemed to be in the midst of a total psychotic breakdown, laughing and flipping off the paparazzi that surrounded her home after word got out that there was a custody battle brewing at her Los Angeles home. She’s being held at Cedars-Sinai for a full medical evaluation as a “special needs” patient, code words for one who is a danger to themselves. Her drug test came back clean, so it’s just plain old fashioned insanity our gal is suffering. I cannot wait to see the home movies of Sean Preston and Jayden James are going to put together as adults trying to figure themselves out. “Look, there’s where mommy held you hostage for hours! Dr. Wexler is going to have field day showing you how this made you into a pill popping drag queen!”

An intoxicated Britney Speatrs was hauled off in an ambulance early this morning after a 3 hour standoff with police involving the hand off of kids Sean and Jayden to ex Kevin Federline. The circumstances are not so clear yet, but I am going to go on and say that her Cheetos/Cocaine/Ice Cream/Syringes were stuffed into the children’s diaper bag and she really needed to get those back. More on this as it unfolds.

Kevin Federline’s attorney is furious that La Spears skipped her deposition due to an illness but was later snapped going out that evening. TMZ hollas back:

We’re told this is the fourth time Britney has been a no-show for her depo. Sources say Kaplan feels that Britney should not be allowed to have her Twinkie and eat it too. In other words, she should not be allowed to go into court and ask to restore custody if she won’t sit for a deposition to determine if she really is a fit parent.

A child molester with a bag of candy and a van with no windows is a better parent than Britney Spears! Duh hickey.

Britney Spears celebrated her 26th(!)birthday over the weekend with fake friend Paris Hilton but it could have been worse. She could have had cocktails on the Psych Ward with Andrea Yates. I can totally see Britney writing her a letter asking her the best way to get rid of some children that are always crying and stopping Mama from going to get her nails done. Britney also tried to get Kevin to join the fun by sneakily calling him from Paris’ cell phone:

“She got annoyed when Kevin reminded her that one of them needed to be a parent and take care of the boys,” added the insider. “Then she hung up on him. Kevin said she was drinking.”

I would love to say that her drinking proves she’s not pregnant, but in the case of Mother Spears, drinking all night doesn’t mean she’s not full of JR Rotem Baby Batter. She’d just switch to White Russians and Screwdrivers because the milk and orange juice in there is good for the baby.

On a somewhat unrelated note, how huge are Paris Hilton’s feet in this picture?

That’s not a shoe, that’s a frigging canoe covered in aluminum foil! More pics of Brit’s big day after the jump.

Read the rest of Britney’s Birthday: Live From Paris