Or as I like to call it, the Dina Does Disaster! The same woman whose eldest child landed in jail and rehab before her 21st birthday is set to roll out a new reality show starring Dina and her daughter Ali’s forays into stardom. As far as the little redheaded one goes, I’m not sure. A little Drag Queen in the making? Get that kid a perm and a red dress and you have yourself a Little Orphan Annie who can pee standing up.

The Lohans are one of the most intriguing families in the entertainment industry today,” Lisa Berger of E! said in a statement. “This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining.”

I can’t wait for this show to hit the airwaves, mainly because I am very interested in how a single mother like Dina packs crack pipes in her children’s lunches. Ziploc bags? Reusable Tupperware? It’s a mystery and that’s what makes them stars.

While ex-con Michael Lohan is doing his best to hide from those naughty hot pictures of his little girl, Dina Lohan is more than a-ok with her addicted little princess emulating tragedy in the buff:

“I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor. I looked at it as art, and as Lindsay doing a character. So I don’t look at them like it’s Playboy; she was being a character. So if you look at it that way, you can look at it as a mother…. I wouldn’t have sent my 14-year-old to the set [if the shoot was in bad taste]. And obviously Lindsay wouldn’t do anything with her sister there, that was risqué.”

Is there anything this woman does that could even be remotely construed as positive when it comes to raising children? I mean, there she is posted up in front of the ice cream man waving a packet of cigarettes like they are some wholesome calorie free alternative to sugary snacks. Thank gravy Lil’ Magic over there isn’t a fool. Him and his awesome shiny blue cowboy boots know where the real dangers are. In cigarettes and Michael Jackson’s bedroom.

The newly rehabbed Lindsay Lohan stripped down to her freckles in a recreation of icon Marilyn Monroe’s last photo shoot before the blonde tart was found dead in her home in 1962. Call me superstitious, but isn’t that sort of a jinx to put yourself in that position? Doggy style with that guy who played Fez is all fine and good but to set yourself up as the number one star on the Hollywood Walk of Drug Addict Shame? It’s like a repressed Catholic Priest signing himself as the director of the church’s Spring Musical production of “Oliver Twist”. Some NSFW shots of Lohan behaving badly after the jump.

Read the rest of Lindsay Lohan’s Glimpse Into The Future As Marilyn Monroe

Screw The Oscars. Seriously, it’s not like we are going to see anything good going on what with the Writer’s Strike so we might as well focus our attention on suckball performances. Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba led the nominations for the most prestigious of honors The Razzie with Lilo racking up two nods for the cringeworthy I Know Who Killed me while Jessica trumps that hand with no less than three seperate performances in Awake, The Fantastic Four and Good Luck Chuck. This isn’t so very bad for Alba, she’s glowingly pregnant and newly engaged so she can focus her attention elsewhere but what does Lindsay have if you take away her praise for such cinematic masterpieces as Herbie The Love Bug? We’ll find her on the floor of Winston’s in a puddle of her own urine clutching a fistful of Mean Girls DVDs wailing about how she used to be a star.

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