I am so in love with Mariah Carey’s outfit in that picture. She looks like a hooker at one of those brothels where they all dress in theme costume and her John just stumbled into the Naughty Preppy Girl Room. Mariah andher surgically enhanced goodness and shamefully horrid movies never fail to put a smile on my face. When my dented Toyota Camry and 2 dollar an hour waitressing job has me down in the dumps I just pop Glitter in and am reminded that things could indeed be so much worse than they are. The reviews for her new flick Tennessee aren’t in yet, but something tells me that the woebegone tale of an aspiring singer called Krystal(like the little gassy burgers!)on the run from an abusive hubby isn’t going to win any Oscar nods. At least she has Nick Cannon to console her, the 27 year old rapper has been bumping uglies with the 38 year old songbird for some time now, Carey even sports a massive rock on her engagement finger. It’s all very hush hush but expect to see a tacky spread of a wedding in the future on the cover of Ebony with her dog dressed up in like in a little tuxedo.

I just wanted to put the warning out there. To any Mexican children who hasn’t been checked out by Mariah and her lawyer yet, anyone not at the Frank Gonzalez orphanage in Mexico, and possibly anyone on the way back to LA, be careful and stay away from Mariah!

She wants to adopt!

If you’re wondering about the mental state of the singer and why someone like me would so strongly disagree with any motion to partner a child with Mariah Carey; just remember she suffered a nervous breakdown and committed herself after her movie, Glitter, was released without much praise.

I wouldn’t call her mentally stable, let’s say that.

Mariah Carey appparently didn’t have enough humiliation with the complete cinematic disaster called Glitter(insert Jazz Hands here), so she’s taken on a role in an upcoming movie called Tennessee. When asked to help save money by traveling in coach, the ever thrifty diva went right ahead and booked every single seat in the coach cabin so she could fly alone. Why not get a first class ticket? It’s Mariah Carey, she could probably afford a magic flying carpet, so why not a private jet? I guess she’s too busy out buying the remnants of Steve Irwin’s wardrobe running around town looking like she’s on some sort of Stripper Safari.

It’s a win for Mimi who has not only prevented pornstar, Mary Carey, from trademarking her adult-movie moniker, but has also stopped her from being able to use the name at all! Mary Cook will have to do.

We generally sided with Mary - can anyone really confuse the two? - and wish the best for the ‘actress’, who had this to say:

 The woman has like, a jillion dollars and she has the nerve to go over to my grandma’s house and steal her afghan off the plastic covered couch plus the roll of duct tape President Bush told us would keep the terrorists poison gasses from leaking into our homes and killing us all. For her to take my Granny’s blanket and use it as some sort of drapey thing like a Nepalese Sherpa and then wrap that stolen tape around her feet and pretend that those are BOOTS? Well, that’s just sick.